There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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