We named our party play list daddy issues
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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