I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
