You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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