you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
