The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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