so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
