I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
