You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
