You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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