atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
