Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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