FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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