I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
