3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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