Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
