I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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