I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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