member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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