How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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