..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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