found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
