oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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