I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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