I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
