Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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