What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
did you just send me my own nude
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
