i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
