I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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