mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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