Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
