dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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