We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
