tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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