you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
