rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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