I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
