i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
