rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
