I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
