Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
