Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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