On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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