Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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