the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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