I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
