i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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