I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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