She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
