I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
