the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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