I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
