Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
