C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
